Friday.

It's Halloween weekend, and my darling (cough, cough, choke) husband bought the Halloween candy last night, then OPENED IT!!!  WTF?!?  That is so not fair.  And he got good stuff, too.  Sigh.  It's going to be a rough weekend.

I am cleaning like a crazy person today!  Perry is having a Fall Party at school, so he is done at 11:30.  That means I have much less time to get the things done that I need to do today.  I am trying to get the cleaning done, so that when I pick him up we can run errands.  Hopefully, I will get my work out in while Joce takes her afternoon nap.  I do have good intentions, but we all know what people say about that!  I have to finish my cleaniong, so it is a short post today.  Have a great Halloween, everyone!

Sore!

Ahhh, so sore form yesterday!  It feels really good!  Haha, unless I try to move!  But, seriously, I love having sore muscles because I know that I have pushed myself.  I had my MOPS meeting today, and there is always a table of yummy goodies for the meeting.  I did eat a couple pieces of cheese, but I did not have a bagel, and I am pretty proud of that!  They were everything bagels, and it was whipped Philly cram cheese, and I wanted one sooooo much!!  But, I did not eat it!  Mostly, it was because I had 2 cupcakes yesterday.  The kids and I went to a friends house yesterday to decorate cupcakes, and we brought some home.  We ate them for dessert, and the kids were so excited that we had them and that they had decorated them.  It was fun, and sweet, and it would have felt weird to say no when the kids were so excited.  Every now and again, there will be stuff like that that comes up, and I will eat cupcakes with my kids, and have fun with them, and I will just have to work out a little harder the next day.  I am okay with that!

My weight today was 203, and I guess I can thank the cupcakes for that.  I am still optimistic, and I will be under 200 soon!

Love that kettle bell work out!

Again, I really do!  It is rough, it makes me sweat hard and breathe hard, and I love every minute of it!  I was hoping to be under 200 today, but no such luck.  The scale said 200.5!  I am so close to this goal that I can taste it!  I was very careful with my diet yesterday.  I worked out so hard yesterday and today, so hopefully I will hit it soon.  I can't believe that I am so close!  I really never imagined that I could get this far, and want to go so much further!  It is hard, but I am starting to enjoy pushing myself, I enjoy working out hard.  I want to be a positive role model for my children, especially my daughter.  I want to teach them early how important eating well is, and how important exercise is.  I want them to be able to live fully, already understanding what it has taken me so long to learn.  I don't want my baby girl to cry because of her weight, of because of how she looks.  I am doing this as much for them as I am doing it for myself.

I did the Jillian Michaels Shred It Weights kettle bell work out today.  I love it!!!  I think my favorite part might be the cool down.  The reason for that is because of what she says during the cool down.  The workout is fierce, and during the cool down, Jillian tells her other trainers how awesome they are.  She says that we need to take time to realize how awesome we all all, and recognize that we are doing good things for ourselves.  She is right!  She also says we need to relax the space between our ears.  Sometimes, that is easier said than done!!!  But, that is something I am going to try to do more often!

I love squats!

Really, I do!  I don't know why I always avoided them in the past, they are great!  They work wonders on your upper legs!  I also love to sweat!  It makes me know that I am working hard, and that my body is being pushed.  I think that my sweat was even sweating today, I worked out so hard!  I did Jackie Warner's Total Body Circuit, and I worked harder than I ever have before!  I even did the oblique crunches, modified, but I have never been able to do them before.  I am already feeling sore, and that feels good!

I weighed in at 200 pounds even today!  I am less than half a point away on the BMI Index from being just overweight, and not obese.  My next goal 0f 198 pounds will hit 2 targets, being out of the obese category, and being the weight I was when I graduated college.  In looking at the BMI chart, I realized that the upper range for normal for my height is 158 pounds.  Gak!  I used to say that that is too skinny for my height, but truth be told, I weighed 155 pounds in high school and was not too skinny,  As a matter of fact, I was always dieting.  Just another excuse so that I don't have to work too hard.  Not anymore!!  So, my goal for my birthday, which is New Year's Eve, is 185.  I am going to say my goal for next summer is 155.  Take that, excuse making part of my brain!!!

By the way, I am wearing my size 14 jeans today!!!  The last time I wore that size, I think may have been my sophomore or junior year of college.  Yep, that was the late 90's.  I am feeling pretty good about it!  I have to get a new pair of jeans for work, and I am kind of looking forward to it!  I will not be looking for the biggest size on the rack.  That is crazy!  I am really proud of making it this far, and I am optimistic for what is to come.

I love Mondays.

I really do.  I work weekends, so Monday is like a sigh of relief, no work for 5 days!  I started a new job this weekend.  The greatest part about it?  We have carrot sticks on the expo line!!  Not bad to grab if I need something quick.  The bad part is that we also have french fries on the line, and we are allowed to eat them.  It has been easy to far to stick to the carrot sticks.  Hopefully that will continue to be the case!

I weighed in at 205 today.  Not too bad, considering how bad my diet was this week.  I hate to make excuses, but it was that time of the month, and sometimes you just can't help yourself.  I did not workout today.  Yet.  I may get my workout in this afternoon, but I have so much cleaning up to do from the weekend, that I am doing that this morning.  I also have to grocery shop, but it is raining, and I hate to take the kids out in the rain if I don't have to.  I can always go tonight after Eric gets home, or in the morning when I drop Perry off for school.  I need to find some new recipes for this week.  My menus need some new flavor!! 

On a side note, I have been feeling a bit blue lately, as you may have noticed.  I am making a concentrated effort to be looking on the bright side, and be not let little things get me down.  Sometimes it's just that easy, and sometimes it is just that hard.  Here is to being positive!!! 

Better Day

I finally got some sleep last night!  Joce seems to be getting into a better sleep routine, sleeping through the night until about 7:45 a.m.!  It is blissful!  I have decided that today will be a better day.  Mind over matter!  Have you ever seen the Nutri-Grain commercial that shows the woman having the Nutri-Grain bar for breakfast, and it inspires her to make better choices all day?  It is kind of an inspiration to me.  I did Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred today.  The first time I have worked out in almost 2 weeks.  I am proud that I did it, because I was kind of thinking that I would write off this whole week and start over on Monday.  I have to tell myself every day that it is a new day, no matter how bad the day before may have been.  It felt good to work out.  It felt good to sweat.  It felt good to breathe hard.  It felt good to feel my muscles burn.  I just have to remember how good that feels, when I am feeling lazy.

I have realized that I am a self sabotager.  I am really good at talking myself out of things that require work and dedication.  You can't fail if you never really try, right?!?  I feel like there are so many things in my life that I have failed at, that if I don't try, I won't have to add another thing to the list of things that I have screwed up.  I mean really, I am an almost 35 year old waitress.  That really bugs me for some reason, but at the same time, I do the job that I do because it allows me to stay at home with my kids.  I only have to work 2 days a week, and there is no other job that I can make the amount of money that I do as waitressing.  So, why do I feel like it makes me a failure?!?  Good question.  I guess I expected to be some sort of successful professional at this point, or a full time stay at home mom.  I do what I have to do for my family, and I should be proud of myself for that, but for some reason, it makes me feel like a failure.  But I love my kids more than anything, and I hope that I am a good mom to them.  Time will tell, but I do know that my kids love me, and I know that their needs are being met by people who love and adore them.

Okay, getting a little blue again, so time to go and enjoy my sore muscles! 

Feeling Lazy

I haven't worked out in almost 2 weeks.  I feel lazy, tired, flabby and gushy.  This week has just been one of those weeks.  I have been sick, and exhausted.  I really do want to get back to my work out routine.  I feel better when I work out.  Today, I feel like I look good.  I straightened my hair, my make up looks pretty.  I don't really have much to say today.  Probably because no one reads this, and it is a bit discouraging.  Oh, well.  Tomorrow will be a better day.

Feeling yucky

I am definately sick.  I am hoping it is just a cold, but I am never that lucky.  Again, I did not get much sleep last night.  Decided to let Joce cry it out, and she got up at 12:30 and cried for almost 2 hours!  Then she got up at 5:30, and cried for about 45 minutes, then slept until 7:40.  If she slept until 7:30 everyday, it would be heaven!!  That is when Perry gets up, so it would be great.  Keeping my fingers crossed for that one!

Since my sinuses are so congested, it hurts when I move my head.  I decided not to work out because I can't take the resulting head ache.  Once again, I suck.  I know I am making excuses.  I am just so freaking tired.  I am hoping to get it together this week, and get back into my work out routine. 

I did get myself new eye shadow and undies.  Sadly, the undies are too big.  The funny part about that is that I bought them in a size smaller last week, and they were too small!  Sometimes, ya just can't win!

Rough Day

I didn't get much sleep last night, and I worked all day yesterday.  I am exhausted and very, very cranky.  I have been eating badly again.  By some miracle, I weighed in at 203.5 today, my lowest weight yet.  I am sitting here having my Slim Fast, and once again recommitting myself to my program.  I did not work out today.  I just couldn't do it.  I showered, changed my sheets, and now am sitting here crying.  I hate that I cry when I am tired.  Eric has to work until at least 8 again tonight.  Joy.  I hate to say it, but I am very lonely.  Eric has been at work more than he has been at home the last 2 weeks, and I miss him.  I miss adult interaction.  I miss having someone to talk to.  I know that is why I have been eating crap.  I a the definition of an emotional eater.  I know that I am, and I really am trying to put a stop to it.  Maybe if I weren't so tired, I would have more will power, but sometimes I just get so run down that I just don't care, and I want something to make me feel better.  I have to go grocery shopping today.  I think I will buy myself something for my weight.  New make up, or undies, since mine are all too big.  Today is a great day for a treat.

Time to buckle down.

I have been away for a few days.  Went to mt mom's while Eric was in Cleveland.  That is always a diet buster!  I have been lenient with my diet and exercise routine.  Basically, I have sucked for the last week.  My weight is 209 today.  Yesterday was a horrible food and diet day.  I am recommitting myself today.  How many times have I said that?!?  I guess it is a good sign that I keep trying, because, honestly, I hate dieting.  I do like working out, but it is not always easy to get it into my day.  I am going to try working out in the afternoon this week.  I have things going on in the mornings, and I will be showering at night for them, so I think that is going to help keep me on track.

I have a breakfast date in the morning with some girls from work.  The good part is that we are going to Bob Eve\ans, and they have a low fat menu, and they have turkey sausage.  It will be good to get out with the girls, and have a nice chat away from work.  We all hate working there, and it is nice to get out of that environment to talk.

Here's to a new week, and being committed!!!!

Hello Tuesday.

Okay, I was totally ready to ditch my work out today.  I have to pack, and clean, and blah, blah, blah.  My body went into autopilot, and before I knew it, I was dressed and picking out a work out!  Woo hoo!  Today I did Jillian Michaels Last Chance Work Out.  Great sweat!  But, my foot is killing me right now!  I really, really need to see someone about it, because it is effecting my ability to do my work outs, and that is not good.

I had a big thing happen yesterday.  I put on my size 16 Levi's, and they are a bit big!  What?!?  So, I was out shopping and was looking at jeans, and I found a pair of Nine West jeans that I really likes, but the biggest size they had was a 14.  Hmmm, if the 16 is baggy, will a 14 fit?!?  YES IT DOES!!!!  Do you know when the last time I bought a size 14 jeans?  I think it was the mid 90's!  And I bought a size 14 yesterday!  I was so excited.

I was at Target this weekend, and I was looking at their work out equipment, and I found the Jillian Michaels adjustable weight kettle bell.  I was so geeked, until I looked at the price.  Ninety freaking dollars!!!  Are you kidding me?!?  Really, Jillian?!?  Needless to say, I did not buy it.  I will go to Wal-Mart and pay $10 for an 8 lb weight.  Yeesh!

Ahhh, Monday.

The scale is starting to piss me off!  205 again this morning!  This has to stop!  I am regularly working out, watching what I eat, drinking my water.  Erg.  The important thing is that I keep going.  I have eaten some things I shouldn't have, but for the most part I am doing really well.  Keep it up, that is what I keep telling myself.

I did Jillian Michaels Shred It with Weights today, that is the kettle bell work out.  Still love it!  My legs are still sore from when I did it on Thursday.  I have jelly arms today from it.  I knew what I was doing a little better today, so I was able to work a little harder today.  I had a funny/ strange moment during the cool down.  I was doing a quad stretch laying on my side, holding my foot of the top leg and pulling it into my butt.  I looked at my thigh and thought, "Holy cow, look at how muscular my thigh is!"  I was so surprised that I did a big double take, and I looked closer.  I leaned forward, and then I saw it!  The big wobbling, hanging, saggy, flabby inner thigh!  AAACCCKKK!!!  It was so not pretty!  But, at least I know that the muscle is there, even if it is hiding under some flab!  

Oh, it's Friday again.

So, I am having another one of those weeks where the scale is going up instead of down.  And I don't eve have my period to blame.  I just don't get it.  I am working out everyday.  I am watching what I eat.  I am drinking a ton of water.  Stupid scale.  By the way, the scale said 206 today.  Ugh!!! 

I did Jackie Warner's 1 on 1 Core Work Out.  Yikes!  It was a good ab work out.  I decided to give my legs a break today.  I am so sore from yesterday's work out!  Tomorrow, I have a 12 hour shift on my feet, so today I did abs.  I really wanted to to Jackie's Total Body Circut Upper Body, but, of course, it expired On Demand.  I really, really, really need the DVD hooked up.  Too bad I am electronically challenged.  Hopefully my darling hubby will do that for me very soon.  Hint, hint.

I have to admit, I hate doing plank position.  Or, really, any position that I am supporting my body in the air where I can see the flab hanging down from my thighs.  Super duper ultra mega cottage cheese.  Yuck.  On the flip side, I love to look at my legs when I am laying on my back with my legs straight up in the air.  Well, from my toes to the middle of my thighs anyway.  You can see the muscles I am building, that I am working hard for.  My belly is flatter, but again, looks like cottage cheese.  I don't think I will ever have any muscle definition there.  Not that I want a six pack, although, that would be awesome, I just don't think I will ever look like that. 

But, again, I keep trying.  I may not have a perfect diet day everyday, but I keep trying.  That is what counts.  I hope.