Maybe Today Will Be The Day.

The weather has turned cold, and I have 1 pair of jeans that fit, and they are in the washer.  How much more motivation do I need?!?  Seriously, today I feel like I can seriously get back to the regimen that I need to be on.  I weighed in at 224.6 today.  Terrible!  I have gained almost 30 pounds back!  I suck!  But, I did it before, I can do it again.  No baking this week.  Helthier dinners,  More smoothies.  I can do this.  I did Level 1 of Jillian Michael's Ripped in 30 Saturday and today.  I love that work out!  I love to work out, period!  I love my muscles feeling sore.  I love how I feel after a work out.  I love that I sleep better.  I love that I have more energy.  I just don't know why I let myself backslide so far so fast.  I will be better!  I will try harder! I will get into my clothes again!

Buckling Down.

Okay, so I have been getting my work outs back into my daily routine.  But, I have been eating like a crazed lumber jack.  So, today is Day One, all over again.  I have gained 20 pounds.  TWENTY!!!  Not good.  But, here I am, trying again.  Which id what counts!  Today I weighed in at 223.6.  CRINGE!!!!  Fatty Boombatty.  Okay, okay, enough of that!  I reprogrammed my Lose It! app.  It says that I need to follow a 1,544 calorie a day diet, and if I lose 2 pounds a week I will hit my goal March 11, 2013.  That works in with my plan to hit it by Perry's last day of school.  Let's face it, I am going to plateau, I am going to fall of the wagon, and I am going to get lazy.  Hopefully, I will be able to take a deep breath, and get back into the groove.  So, real first day, here we go!

At least I keep trying!

So, I weighed myself this morning, and I am up to 219.8.  Ouch doesn't even begin to say it!  I have put on 20 of the 45 pound that I lost.  I am very disappointed in myself.  But, I am going to try it again.  I worked out yesterday and today.  I am planning my work outs for the next couple days.  I have realized that I am really good at talking myself out of working out.  When my back hurts, or my knees, I tell myself I should rest, take it easy.  The truth is, I am not going to stop hurting until I strengthen my body.  I can't strengthen my body without working out and dieting.  Again, my goal is 170, and my goal date is June 14, Perry's last day of school.  My first goal is 10 pounds, and I will buy myself the new Jillian Michaels DVD, Fast Fix Kick Boxing.  More goals to come!

Jello: Two Ways

So, as I said, I have not been working out, and I gained weight back.  So, my body feel like Jello.  Today, I did a hard work out, and now my muscles feel like Jello, but that is good!  I am hoping to get back into a regular work out routine, and to be getting back on my diet too.  I did not weigh myself this morning, but I will tomorrow.  I think I am around 218 (groan).  My goal is still 170, and I think I will make the target will be June 14, Perry's last day of school.  So, after I weigh myself tomorrow, I will set my first goal.  So, keeping my fingers crossed, here we go again! 

Here we go again... Again.

So, it's been a while since I wrote, and it's because I have been lazy.  I have gained back 15 of the 40 pounds I lost.  I haven't been able to work out because of cellulitis, phlebitis, and hematomas in my leg.  They are finally not eye-tearingly painful, and the swelling is down.  Also, we went on vacation for 2 weeks.  Boy, did we eat well in Disney World!  But, the point is that I have not been eating well, and unable to work out, so I am pudgy.  And that sucks.  School starts Monday for my son, and next Friday for my daughter, so I will have 3 free mornings a week.  I am hoping to start Couch 2 5K those mornings, and a workout DVD on 3 days a week.  I have a friend who gets up every morning and if at the track at 5:15 am, and she is looking fantastic!  I am hoping that by the spring, I will be nearing my target weight, which is 170.  Maybe I should make the target date Perry's last day of school, which is June 14.  My first goal, however, is to fit into my jeans by the fall.  Oy.  Let's get this started!

Making the time to exercise is getting easier!

I am now planning my days with exercise in them, instead of throwing it into my day at the last moment.  I feel so much better when I work out, and I am happy that I am once again enjoying it and making it an important part of my day!  I did Day 2 Week 1 of C25K!  It was good!  I enjoy feeling my legs work, and my lungs working, and my body sweating.  I am hoping to run a real 5K one of these days.  Yesterday's 6 Week 6 Pack work out made me very sore today, and in all the right places!  My weight was the same as yesterday, which is a little disappointing, but better than being higher! 

Lately, I have really been enjoying cooking and baking.  I made a healthy banana bread yesterday, that uses apple sauce and honey and no butter, sugar or oil.  It was good, but a little dry.  I am hoping to try more recipes like this, and be able to make baking a healthier option!

Big step!

The last 2 mornings, I have worked out in the morning.  I usually don't, because Joce is up and around and doesn't usually let me have that much time to myself.  Yesterday, she worked out with me, and today she played in the basement while I was working out down there!  This could be huge!  I prefer to work out in the morning, it gives me a boost for the day.  It makes me more conscious of what I eat, because I don't want to undo my good work. If I wait until the afternoon to work out, I am much more likely to come up with an excuse as to why I don't "need" to do my work out.  Already, I am feeling better!  I forgot that putting good things into my body makes my body feel good!  That exercise makes me feel better!  Why do I let myself forget that?  I am hoping to be more consistent.  To keep moving in the right direction.  To quit quitting!

My weight is 205.4.  Down a bit from yesterday, but still up from when I started.  I am trying to be better!  Today I did level 1 of Jillian Michaels 6 Week 6 Pack.  I love that work out!  I already feel like I look better.  My muscles are getting a bit more defined, and they feel great!  I am hoping the weather cooperates so I can go to the track tomorrow.  I am feeling very positive about being able to stay focused!

Getting back into the groove!

Yesterday, I did Day 1 Week 1 of C25K!!  I am hoping to do it on the days that Joce is in school, so that will be on Monday, Thursday and Saturday.  I am really hoping to do a real 5K race this summer!  Eric says he wants to do one too.  Maybe we could enter one together!  That would be something!  Today I did Level 2 of Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred!  It felt good!  I think my next purchase is going to be her Ripped in 30 DVD.  My eating has been much better lately, too.  Yes, I am still baking and such, which I am finding out I love to do, but I am making a conscious effort to be healthier when I am eating.  And trying not to go overboard when I do have dessert!   I am also trying to not let one slip up ruin the whole day.  If I do have something not so healthy, usually I say screw it to the whole day, and binge.  I am trying to be very aware that I do that, and not let it kill my whole day.  One day at a time, and I will do this!

I weighed in today at 206.6.  My first goal is 194, which is the lowest weight I have recahed.  I need to get back to it, and stay on the program!

Waited too long between work outs.

Last week, I worked out on Thursday and Friday.  I didn't work out again until today, which is Thursday.  The good part about it is that I have worked out 2 weeks in a row, but the bad news is that I had to stop the 50 minutes work out a couple times to catch my breath.  I need to keep working out, and not take too many days off between work outs.  I will try to be more vigilant about getting a work out in each day, even if it is a walk.  I also want to start Couch To 5K again.  Spring is here, the weather should cooperate.  My sister just ran a 10K.  Holy Cow, A 10K!!!!  I was so incredibly proud of her!  It was her first race, and she did fantastic!  It was inspiring to listen to her tell me about her workouts, how she pushed through the pain and fatigue, and keep pushing.  I hope I can find that determination for myself, and get back to the healthy lifestyle that I had found over a year ago.  I keep trying, and that is what is important.

I am 206.2 today.  Seriously, how did I let myself gain7 pounds, as quickly as I did?!?  At least I am going back down, so I am going to try harder, and do a better job of sticking to it!!!!

The first day is always the hardest.

Whew, glad that's over with!!!  My weight today is 207.6 (ouch!).  Yes, I have put on some weight.  I plan to reverse that soon!  I did a great work out yesterday, Jackie Warner's Total Body Circuit.  I love that work out!  It was the first DVD I bought when I started losing weight.  I was very disappointed in how hard it was for me to do yesterday.  I actually cried towards the end, and I felt like I was going to throw up.  But, I have made the first step.  I have made a decision to change things.  I am going to work out daily, and I am going to eat well.  I will be in a beautiful bathing suit in August! I have craft night tonight with my mother's group, I think I am going to make myself a wooden sign that says, "If you are tired of starting over, stop giving up."  Haha, that is if I can find someone with better handwriting skills than me!!

Big Fat Liar.

With emphasis on the Big and the Fat.  My weight has hit a long time high.  My pants barely fit.  I am completely flabby and jiggly.  I suck.  I am making more excuses than I can count.  I haven't worked out in months.  I am disgusted with myself.  Time to stop this shit.  For real.  I keep telling myself that I will start Monday, or after the kids birthdays, blah blah blah.  Time to get real.  I am sabotaging myself to the worst degree.  We are going to Disney work in August, and I don't want to be ashamed of how I look in the extreme heat, wearing tanks or bathing suits.  I am going to fix this, I have to.  Here we go again..

The Weight Chart Is Back On The Fridge... Again!

Okay, so I have been letting myself eat my sorrows away for way too long!  Time to sweat of my anxiety instead of burying it under a mound of junk food.  Okay, so I can't work out quite yet, but I can control what is going into my body!  I weighed in at 201 even today, which means I have gained 6 pounds.  I am flabby and squishy and not at all happy about it.  We are going to Disney World in the beginning of August, so my goal is to lose 30, maybe even 35, pounds before we leave.  My goal is 170, possibly even 165 by August 1.  The crazy eating has to stop.  The feeling sorry for myself has to stop.  I felt so much better about everything when I was working out regularly.  I have things set up in the basement so I can work out down there.  I got a Barns and Noble gift card for my birthday, and I am going to get some new work out DVD's with it.  I am going to download a calorie counter and fitness app for my phone.  I am going to wear a bathing suit without embarrassment on our vacation!

As for my surgery, I go to the surgeon in the morning to get my stitches removed, and hopefully find out what that little bugger was!  See ya tomorrow!

Bye bye, Lump!

I had my surgery on Tuesday, and everything went well.  I have my follow up appointment on Wednesday to have the stitches removed and find out what the blasted thing was!  The doctor told Eric he thought it was probably benign vein tumor.  I have no idea what that means!  I tried to look it up, but the only info I could find was related to kidney and liver.  Mine was in my ankle.  I guess we will have to wait and see, but I am keeping my fingers crossed that it was a benign tumor, and that there is nothing else to worry about!

And the results are in...

... and everything is normal.  Wait, what?  That's right, I have no Autoimmune Disorders, including the one I was previously diagnosed with (normal range is 80 to 400, my level was 290, so I am not even close to deficient).  I know, I should be happy, grateful even.  But, honestly, I think I may be more frustrated than I was before.  What is causing all this to happen?  What can I do about it?  I can I do to stop it from happening again in the future?  The answer is nothing.  Nothing is wrong, nothing to do, nothing to prevent.  Hopefully it was a crazy combination of circumstances.  And will not happen again.  I guess we will have to wait and see.

In the meantime, I still have my surgery to prepare for.  I want to make some meals to freeze and have ready to go in the Crock Pot for at least a few days.  I am getting some ideas together, so I hope I can get them made and frozen.  Again, I guess we will see1

Two words I didn't want to hear: Inconclusive and Surgery.

Yep, after an MRI, the diagnosis for the lump on my ankle was inconclusive.  It is not a blood clot, a lipoma, or a cancerous tumor.  Best guess?!?  It is a non-cancerous tumor.  How will I find out what it is?!?  Surgery.  I have to have it removed and biopsied.  And I will have to be on crutches for a few days.  Did it mention that it is my right ankle?  Driving should be fun.  And the stairs.  And taking care of 2 kids.  And driving them to school.  Okay, enough of that.  I am just keeping my fingers crossed that we don't have a snow storm since my surgery is scheduled for January 31.

It has been a week since I had my blood work done.  I am hoping to hear from the doctors office tonight or tomorrow.  I have an appointment Tuesday morning to get medical clearance for the surgery, so if I haven't heard by then, at least I can be there to ask about it. 

Needless to say, my stress level is at an all time high.  I am not feeling like myself.  I am eating like a mad woman.  I am not allowed to work out.  It sucks.  I think I do need to do some upper body and core exercises.  And stop eating things like Samoa cookies with vanilla frosting on them.  So, I am keeping my fingers crossed and my head up.

New Year, New Worries?

Happy New Year!!!  This is the time of year that most people make resolutions, and a lot of those resolutions are to get healthy.  I know mine always is!  Of course, this year is no different.  But, the reason this year IS very different.  I have been having a lot of health issues the past month.  Yesterday, I had lots of blood work done, and an MRI of my ankle because of a painful lump that I have had for almost 2 weeks.  The blood work is testing me for Autoimmune diseases, and the MRI is to find out what the lump is. 

So, in order for me to be healthier this year, I have to figure out what is going on inside my body.  I may have been previously diagnosed with IgA Deficiency, and the blood work will confirm or deny that.  My mother says that I have been tested, but I don't remember it.  After some research on the subject, I think that diagnosis will be confirmed.  It is a deficiency that makes you prone to sinus infections, bronchitis, pneumonia, upper respiratory infections, and ear infections.  Yep, I have had trouble my whole life with these things.  It means I am more susceptible to these things, and I will get a worse case than most people, and I may need stronger, longer courses of antibiotics.  There is no treatment, or anything I can do about it, but be aware of it and not wait until I am half dead before I call the doctor.

I am also being tested for Lupus.  People with IgA Deficiency are more likely to have Systemic Lupus.  Because of the problems I have been having in the last month, this is also a good possibility. The blood work takes at least 7 days for this one, so now I have to wait.  I am so not good at waiting. 

Hopefully, the MRI will be read today, and I will get those results sooner rather than later.  Lumps never end well for people in my family, so I would love to have these results today, but we will see.

And I am not allowed to work out.  But, with cellulitis on my left knee, and a painful lump on my right ankle, it's not really a possibility anyway.  And I am trying to curb the stress eating, but honestly, i will be swallowing chocolate before I even realize that I am putting it in my mouth.

So.  What does all this mean?  I have no idea.  While I do not relish the idea of having multiple Autoimmune Disorders, I would like to have answers.  And information.  And ways to help myself.  So, I will wait, and I will handle any news I get with satisfaction of being able to help my body work as well as it can, whatever that may entail.  Happy New Year?  I think so!