I'm back, and I am disappointed in myself.

I hurt my ankle last weekend at work.  I decided to take a day or two off from exercising to let it recuperate.  Guess what?  A day or two turned into a week.  I am disappointed that I let myself get so lazy.  It has been over a week since I worked out, and my eating has been out of control.  Then I had a wake up call.  Friday night Eric took the kids to his parents for the night so he could go hunting early in the morning, and so my MIL could babysit while I was at work.  A whole night to myself?!?  What to do with my unencumbered self?!?  I went to the mall.  I wanted to try on clothes in regular size stores.  Not a great idea when you haven't worked out in a week and have been stress eating like a crazy person.  I felt awful.  Gushy.  Flabby.  It really made me realize how far I had let things spiral out of control.  But now my eyes are open.  I know what I need to do, and I am recomitting, again, to getting healthy.  My new goal for my birthday is 195.  I weighed in at 203 today.  I have a rough 2 weeks to make that, but I want to be well under 200 for the New Year.  And then I will set some new goals. 

Something that Jillian Michales say a lot is "If you want big results, they don't come for free."  That is my new mantra.  I am reading Jackie Warners book, This Is Why Your Fat.  I am picking up some good info, and hopefully I will be able to find some useful tools to help me.  I did Jillian Michaels Burn Fat Boost Metabolism workout.  It was good!  Today, I am wearing a shirt that makes me feel skinny, so I am ready for the day!!!

Snow on the Ground

I really do hate snow.  Not good, since I live in Pittsburgh!  Whenever I see snow, or the gray murky sky, I want to snuggle up on the couch with a good book and a cup of hot chocolate.  That is how I felt today, so I decided some Jillian Michaels was in order, and Shred It with Weights made me feel great!  I weighed in at 199 today, pretty good, I think!  I had my coffee this morning, a banana, and now I am having my Slim Fast.  I have to say, the Wal-Mart generic is so much better than the brand name!  I only have 2 cans of the brand name Slim Fast, then back to the yummier one!  And the Wal-Mart brand only has 2 grams of fat, whereas the brand name has 6.  Yikes!  But, I have it, so I will drink it, but I am really glad that there are only 2 left!

So, I am realizing that I am most likely not going to hit my goal of 185 by my Birthday.  I am disappointed, but I am also glad that I haven't put any weight back on, and I am holding steady.  I just have to keep plugging away.  Better late than never!

Still excited about Thanksgiving!

I really do love the holidays!  I love decorating, and spending time with family and Black Friday shopping!  The problem is that I haven't had time to work out.  Right now I am waiting for the Sullivan guy to come and tune up my furnace.  I really thought they would have been here by now so that I could have gotten a work out in, but no such luck.  The scale is holding steady still at 200.  That is a plus, but I know that tomorrow will be a gut buster.  I really do plan to not over indulge, but I also know that I love to eat!  I am also hoping to bring enough left overs home for dinner Friday night!  After not getting much sleep, I am sure cooking will be the last thing on my mind!  And Eric has to work late on Black Friday.  Of course!  The good thing is that my mom is coming to spend the night on Thursday so Eric and I can go shopping at midnight, and so I can go to Target and where ever else and not have to be home before Eric goes to work.  And hopefully I can get a nap, too!  I hope everyone has a great Thanksgiving!

Thanksgiving Week!

I love the holidays!  I know I complain about how much driving we have to do, but I love that we can spend time with both of our families every holiday.  I love that our families make it easy for us to do that, by spacing the meal times for us.  I am excited, my older brother and his wife are hosting dinner this year in their new home.  It will be fun to do something different, and I am looking forward to spending some time getting to know her family  a little better. 

On the diet front, the holidays are a very bad time of year!  My mother in law makes fantastic homemade cookies.  And 2 full out turkey dinners, one of then deep fried, is never good for your daily caloric intake!  I was thinking that I would be very vigilant this week, but then I realized that today my mom is taking me out for lunch, and Eric and I are going on a date tonight, and going out for dinner in on the agenda.  So then I thought I would make sure to work out hard everyday.  I couldn't work out today.  I doubled bath days this weekend for the first time in a month and a half, and today my feet ache so much that I am limping.  So, I am going to try to not over eat at either dinner, which I usually do. I am going to try to be moving around as much as I can, even if I am limping.  The scale has been holding steady at 200, so I don't want it to get any higher.  I will do my best, and that is the best I can do!

Three pounds makes a big difference!

And I mean that in 2 different ways.  I moved to an 8 lb dumb bell, and did Jillian Michaels Shred It with Weights kettle bell routine.  What a difference!  I feel like I worked hard, and my muscles feel strong!  It was such a good work out!  The second way I mean is that I am 3 lbs from my next goal.  It actually reaches 2 goals.  The first is that I will be 1 lb under what I weighed when I graduated from Pitt.  The second is that I will be out of the obese range, and simply overweight, according the the BMI index.  I am excited for both reasons!

I have an appointment with my real estate agent on Friday, to take pictures of the house and get it listed!  I am very excited, and very nervous!  I have 2 fears.  The first is that we list the house, find a place that we love, and can't sell this house.  The other is the opposite scenario, that we sell right away and cannot find a place to buy.  It is nerve wracking.  Either way, I have to finish cleaning!

Broken records and big dreams

Okay, maybe that is a little misleading.  I didn't break any records, it is that I feel like a broken record.  Today is the day, time to buckle down again, yada yada yada.  I really am going to get back on track.  I have a month and a half to lose 20 pounds.  Okay, lets call that 6 weeks.  That means I need to lose about 3.3 lbs a week.  That is so doable!!  I do need to make a new rule: NO MORE THIRD CUP OF COFFEE!!!!  It really made me feel like crap today.  I don't usually have a third cup, but I was cutting coupons and a cup of coffee seemed needed.  Wrong!  I am really nauseated now.  Blech.  I am 203.5 today.

Today I did Kickbox Booty Core with Natalie Yco.  She is in some of the Jillian Michaels workouts.  She is the one that demonstrates the more advanced moves.  It was fun, but not enough upper body work.  It was good lower body and core stuff.  I have to say, I had a bad headache when I did my workout.  My head was throbbing so badly during some of the core stuff that I had to stop and hold my head.  I hate headaches!

On to the big dreams.  I have been working very hard to get our house on the market.  I am hoping that we will have it listed in the next week.  I have been thinking about what I want in our new home.  I want closets in every bedroom.  I never realized that was something that I had to ask for!  A lot of the homes around here do not have closets in the smallest bedroom.  I would cry with happiness if each room had a double size closet, and I may faint if there is a walk in closet in any home in our price range!  I also would love a house that the linen closet and the pantry cupboard to be 2 separate entities.  We have to have a place with a game room.  just thinking about having a space that is adult and a space that is just for the kids would be so cool.  Okay, after that, I need to go get some stuff done so I can make my dream a reality!!!! 

Raking leaves is a heck of a work out!

I swear, even my hair is sore!  I just wish I didn't have blisters on my hands, those really suck!  The scale said 204 today, so I am happy for that.  The Halloween candy got the best of me again.  Sigh.  I think I will try to send it to work with Eric tomorrow.  I don't really have anything to say today.  I have a ton of cleaning to do in the next couple of days.  Trying to get the house on the market sooner rather than later, so I am cleaning like mad.  Eric is off tomorrow, and the weather should be nice, so hopefully we will finish up the outside stuff.  See ya tomorrow!

Headache.

I have a wicked headache.  It hurts when I lean over, and then pounds when I stand up.  I have decided to put off my work out until this afternoon, hoping that the headache will be gone by then.  I am stressed out today.  I think that is where the headache is coming from.  My mom is in the hospital with heart problems they can't figure out.  Her heart actually stopped for over 5 seconds the other day.  And they don't know why.  Perry's parent teacher conference was Friday, also the day that I had to take my mom to be admitted to the ICU, and his teacher was pretty bitchy.  Oh, Perry is smart, more than ready for Kindergarten, and a joy to have in class, but I got yelled at again for picking him up at 1.  I honestly thought that was when I was allowed to pick him up after a big problem with it last year, but since there are all new people in charge, no one knows what is going on.  So I get yelled at.  My whole schedule is planned around 1 o'clock pick up, and it really screws up my whole day, since 11:30 is in the middle of Joce's nap time.  And I wonder why my head hurts?!?

By the way, Halloween candy is evil!  I found myself mindlessly munching on it several times yesterday.  Not good for today's weigh in, which was 208.  UUUUUGGGGHHHH!!!! 

A New Week

So, we can pretty much throw last week in the crapper.  I don't know what it is about being at my moms house that makes me eat and drink like a crazy person.  I eat everything that I shouldn't, and I drink pop, and usually no water.  I think it goes back to when I was a smoker, and hiding it.  Since I couldn't smoke while I was there, I stuffed my mouth with food.  So why do I still do it after all these years of not smoking?  That is a darn good question. 

Of course, the weight wasn't good today.  Tipped the scale at 207.  That is where I sigh and hang my head.  So, to try to atone for some of my misbehavior, I did a good hard work out this morning.  Jackie Warner Total Body Circuit.  I don't know why, but my abs did some great burning today!  I can even do some of the ab exercises that I couldn't do before.  I also realized that I need a higher weight for some of it.  Progress!  Again, I am just happy that I got up and did it today.  It really would be so easy to give up.  But not today!!  Today, I did it!!!!

Time for a heavier dumb bell and smaller shirts!

Since I bought my size 12 jeans, I have realized how big my shirts are looking.  I look great on the bottom, but kinda like a hobo on top!  I am so happy that my body is starting to look good, now I need to dress like I mean it!  I di Jillian Michaels Shred It Weights today.  I need to move up to an 8 lb. dumb bell!  I love the work out, but I need to make it a bit more challenging!  Except for the squat jumps, those I am still trying to master!!!

I have to confess, the Halloween candy has gotten the best of me.  Darn treats!!!  On Saturday, the scale said 198!!!  That means I was no longer obese!  Then Halloween came, and the scale is back to 201.  Sigh.  I will get back there!  I am determined, and I will do it!!  I am going to stay at my moms for a couple of days.  I have my weights, my DVDs and my work out clothes packed.  Let me tell you, putting 2 5lb. dumb bells in your bag makes it extra fun to carry!!  Hopefully, I will get my work outs done while I am there!!!

Friday.

It's Halloween weekend, and my darling (cough, cough, choke) husband bought the Halloween candy last night, then OPENED IT!!!  WTF?!?  That is so not fair.  And he got good stuff, too.  Sigh.  It's going to be a rough weekend.

I am cleaning like a crazy person today!  Perry is having a Fall Party at school, so he is done at 11:30.  That means I have much less time to get the things done that I need to do today.  I am trying to get the cleaning done, so that when I pick him up we can run errands.  Hopefully, I will get my work out in while Joce takes her afternoon nap.  I do have good intentions, but we all know what people say about that!  I have to finish my cleaniong, so it is a short post today.  Have a great Halloween, everyone!

Sore!

Ahhh, so sore form yesterday!  It feels really good!  Haha, unless I try to move!  But, seriously, I love having sore muscles because I know that I have pushed myself.  I had my MOPS meeting today, and there is always a table of yummy goodies for the meeting.  I did eat a couple pieces of cheese, but I did not have a bagel, and I am pretty proud of that!  They were everything bagels, and it was whipped Philly cram cheese, and I wanted one sooooo much!!  But, I did not eat it!  Mostly, it was because I had 2 cupcakes yesterday.  The kids and I went to a friends house yesterday to decorate cupcakes, and we brought some home.  We ate them for dessert, and the kids were so excited that we had them and that they had decorated them.  It was fun, and sweet, and it would have felt weird to say no when the kids were so excited.  Every now and again, there will be stuff like that that comes up, and I will eat cupcakes with my kids, and have fun with them, and I will just have to work out a little harder the next day.  I am okay with that!

My weight today was 203, and I guess I can thank the cupcakes for that.  I am still optimistic, and I will be under 200 soon!

Love that kettle bell work out!

Again, I really do!  It is rough, it makes me sweat hard and breathe hard, and I love every minute of it!  I was hoping to be under 200 today, but no such luck.  The scale said 200.5!  I am so close to this goal that I can taste it!  I was very careful with my diet yesterday.  I worked out so hard yesterday and today, so hopefully I will hit it soon.  I can't believe that I am so close!  I really never imagined that I could get this far, and want to go so much further!  It is hard, but I am starting to enjoy pushing myself, I enjoy working out hard.  I want to be a positive role model for my children, especially my daughter.  I want to teach them early how important eating well is, and how important exercise is.  I want them to be able to live fully, already understanding what it has taken me so long to learn.  I don't want my baby girl to cry because of her weight, of because of how she looks.  I am doing this as much for them as I am doing it for myself.

I did the Jillian Michaels Shred It Weights kettle bell work out today.  I love it!!!  I think my favorite part might be the cool down.  The reason for that is because of what she says during the cool down.  The workout is fierce, and during the cool down, Jillian tells her other trainers how awesome they are.  She says that we need to take time to realize how awesome we all all, and recognize that we are doing good things for ourselves.  She is right!  She also says we need to relax the space between our ears.  Sometimes, that is easier said than done!!!  But, that is something I am going to try to do more often!

I love squats!

Really, I do!  I don't know why I always avoided them in the past, they are great!  They work wonders on your upper legs!  I also love to sweat!  It makes me know that I am working hard, and that my body is being pushed.  I think that my sweat was even sweating today, I worked out so hard!  I did Jackie Warner's Total Body Circuit, and I worked harder than I ever have before!  I even did the oblique crunches, modified, but I have never been able to do them before.  I am already feeling sore, and that feels good!

I weighed in at 200 pounds even today!  I am less than half a point away on the BMI Index from being just overweight, and not obese.  My next goal 0f 198 pounds will hit 2 targets, being out of the obese category, and being the weight I was when I graduated college.  In looking at the BMI chart, I realized that the upper range for normal for my height is 158 pounds.  Gak!  I used to say that that is too skinny for my height, but truth be told, I weighed 155 pounds in high school and was not too skinny,  As a matter of fact, I was always dieting.  Just another excuse so that I don't have to work too hard.  Not anymore!!  So, my goal for my birthday, which is New Year's Eve, is 185.  I am going to say my goal for next summer is 155.  Take that, excuse making part of my brain!!!

By the way, I am wearing my size 14 jeans today!!!  The last time I wore that size, I think may have been my sophomore or junior year of college.  Yep, that was the late 90's.  I am feeling pretty good about it!  I have to get a new pair of jeans for work, and I am kind of looking forward to it!  I will not be looking for the biggest size on the rack.  That is crazy!  I am really proud of making it this far, and I am optimistic for what is to come.

I love Mondays.

I really do.  I work weekends, so Monday is like a sigh of relief, no work for 5 days!  I started a new job this weekend.  The greatest part about it?  We have carrot sticks on the expo line!!  Not bad to grab if I need something quick.  The bad part is that we also have french fries on the line, and we are allowed to eat them.  It has been easy to far to stick to the carrot sticks.  Hopefully that will continue to be the case!

I weighed in at 205 today.  Not too bad, considering how bad my diet was this week.  I hate to make excuses, but it was that time of the month, and sometimes you just can't help yourself.  I did not workout today.  Yet.  I may get my workout in this afternoon, but I have so much cleaning up to do from the weekend, that I am doing that this morning.  I also have to grocery shop, but it is raining, and I hate to take the kids out in the rain if I don't have to.  I can always go tonight after Eric gets home, or in the morning when I drop Perry off for school.  I need to find some new recipes for this week.  My menus need some new flavor!! 

On a side note, I have been feeling a bit blue lately, as you may have noticed.  I am making a concentrated effort to be looking on the bright side, and be not let little things get me down.  Sometimes it's just that easy, and sometimes it is just that hard.  Here is to being positive!!! 

Better Day

I finally got some sleep last night!  Joce seems to be getting into a better sleep routine, sleeping through the night until about 7:45 a.m.!  It is blissful!  I have decided that today will be a better day.  Mind over matter!  Have you ever seen the Nutri-Grain commercial that shows the woman having the Nutri-Grain bar for breakfast, and it inspires her to make better choices all day?  It is kind of an inspiration to me.  I did Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred today.  The first time I have worked out in almost 2 weeks.  I am proud that I did it, because I was kind of thinking that I would write off this whole week and start over on Monday.  I have to tell myself every day that it is a new day, no matter how bad the day before may have been.  It felt good to work out.  It felt good to sweat.  It felt good to breathe hard.  It felt good to feel my muscles burn.  I just have to remember how good that feels, when I am feeling lazy.

I have realized that I am a self sabotager.  I am really good at talking myself out of things that require work and dedication.  You can't fail if you never really try, right?!?  I feel like there are so many things in my life that I have failed at, that if I don't try, I won't have to add another thing to the list of things that I have screwed up.  I mean really, I am an almost 35 year old waitress.  That really bugs me for some reason, but at the same time, I do the job that I do because it allows me to stay at home with my kids.  I only have to work 2 days a week, and there is no other job that I can make the amount of money that I do as waitressing.  So, why do I feel like it makes me a failure?!?  Good question.  I guess I expected to be some sort of successful professional at this point, or a full time stay at home mom.  I do what I have to do for my family, and I should be proud of myself for that, but for some reason, it makes me feel like a failure.  But I love my kids more than anything, and I hope that I am a good mom to them.  Time will tell, but I do know that my kids love me, and I know that their needs are being met by people who love and adore them.

Okay, getting a little blue again, so time to go and enjoy my sore muscles! 

Feeling Lazy

I haven't worked out in almost 2 weeks.  I feel lazy, tired, flabby and gushy.  This week has just been one of those weeks.  I have been sick, and exhausted.  I really do want to get back to my work out routine.  I feel better when I work out.  Today, I feel like I look good.  I straightened my hair, my make up looks pretty.  I don't really have much to say today.  Probably because no one reads this, and it is a bit discouraging.  Oh, well.  Tomorrow will be a better day.

Feeling yucky

I am definately sick.  I am hoping it is just a cold, but I am never that lucky.  Again, I did not get much sleep last night.  Decided to let Joce cry it out, and she got up at 12:30 and cried for almost 2 hours!  Then she got up at 5:30, and cried for about 45 minutes, then slept until 7:40.  If she slept until 7:30 everyday, it would be heaven!!  That is when Perry gets up, so it would be great.  Keeping my fingers crossed for that one!

Since my sinuses are so congested, it hurts when I move my head.  I decided not to work out because I can't take the resulting head ache.  Once again, I suck.  I know I am making excuses.  I am just so freaking tired.  I am hoping to get it together this week, and get back into my work out routine. 

I did get myself new eye shadow and undies.  Sadly, the undies are too big.  The funny part about that is that I bought them in a size smaller last week, and they were too small!  Sometimes, ya just can't win!

Rough Day

I didn't get much sleep last night, and I worked all day yesterday.  I am exhausted and very, very cranky.  I have been eating badly again.  By some miracle, I weighed in at 203.5 today, my lowest weight yet.  I am sitting here having my Slim Fast, and once again recommitting myself to my program.  I did not work out today.  I just couldn't do it.  I showered, changed my sheets, and now am sitting here crying.  I hate that I cry when I am tired.  Eric has to work until at least 8 again tonight.  Joy.  I hate to say it, but I am very lonely.  Eric has been at work more than he has been at home the last 2 weeks, and I miss him.  I miss adult interaction.  I miss having someone to talk to.  I know that is why I have been eating crap.  I a the definition of an emotional eater.  I know that I am, and I really am trying to put a stop to it.  Maybe if I weren't so tired, I would have more will power, but sometimes I just get so run down that I just don't care, and I want something to make me feel better.  I have to go grocery shopping today.  I think I will buy myself something for my weight.  New make up, or undies, since mine are all too big.  Today is a great day for a treat.

Time to buckle down.

I have been away for a few days.  Went to mt mom's while Eric was in Cleveland.  That is always a diet buster!  I have been lenient with my diet and exercise routine.  Basically, I have sucked for the last week.  My weight is 209 today.  Yesterday was a horrible food and diet day.  I am recommitting myself today.  How many times have I said that?!?  I guess it is a good sign that I keep trying, because, honestly, I hate dieting.  I do like working out, but it is not always easy to get it into my day.  I am going to try working out in the afternoon this week.  I have things going on in the mornings, and I will be showering at night for them, so I think that is going to help keep me on track.

I have a breakfast date in the morning with some girls from work.  The good part is that we are going to Bob Eve\ans, and they have a low fat menu, and they have turkey sausage.  It will be good to get out with the girls, and have a nice chat away from work.  We all hate working there, and it is nice to get out of that environment to talk.

Here's to a new week, and being committed!!!!

Hello Tuesday.

Okay, I was totally ready to ditch my work out today.  I have to pack, and clean, and blah, blah, blah.  My body went into autopilot, and before I knew it, I was dressed and picking out a work out!  Woo hoo!  Today I did Jillian Michaels Last Chance Work Out.  Great sweat!  But, my foot is killing me right now!  I really, really need to see someone about it, because it is effecting my ability to do my work outs, and that is not good.

I had a big thing happen yesterday.  I put on my size 16 Levi's, and they are a bit big!  What?!?  So, I was out shopping and was looking at jeans, and I found a pair of Nine West jeans that I really likes, but the biggest size they had was a 14.  Hmmm, if the 16 is baggy, will a 14 fit?!?  YES IT DOES!!!!  Do you know when the last time I bought a size 14 jeans?  I think it was the mid 90's!  And I bought a size 14 yesterday!  I was so excited.

I was at Target this weekend, and I was looking at their work out equipment, and I found the Jillian Michaels adjustable weight kettle bell.  I was so geeked, until I looked at the price.  Ninety freaking dollars!!!  Are you kidding me?!?  Really, Jillian?!?  Needless to say, I did not buy it.  I will go to Wal-Mart and pay $10 for an 8 lb weight.  Yeesh!

Ahhh, Monday.

The scale is starting to piss me off!  205 again this morning!  This has to stop!  I am regularly working out, watching what I eat, drinking my water.  Erg.  The important thing is that I keep going.  I have eaten some things I shouldn't have, but for the most part I am doing really well.  Keep it up, that is what I keep telling myself.

I did Jillian Michaels Shred It with Weights today, that is the kettle bell work out.  Still love it!  My legs are still sore from when I did it on Thursday.  I have jelly arms today from it.  I knew what I was doing a little better today, so I was able to work a little harder today.  I had a funny/ strange moment during the cool down.  I was doing a quad stretch laying on my side, holding my foot of the top leg and pulling it into my butt.  I looked at my thigh and thought, "Holy cow, look at how muscular my thigh is!"  I was so surprised that I did a big double take, and I looked closer.  I leaned forward, and then I saw it!  The big wobbling, hanging, saggy, flabby inner thigh!  AAACCCKKK!!!  It was so not pretty!  But, at least I know that the muscle is there, even if it is hiding under some flab!  

Oh, it's Friday again.

So, I am having another one of those weeks where the scale is going up instead of down.  And I don't eve have my period to blame.  I just don't get it.  I am working out everyday.  I am watching what I eat.  I am drinking a ton of water.  Stupid scale.  By the way, the scale said 206 today.  Ugh!!! 

I did Jackie Warner's 1 on 1 Core Work Out.  Yikes!  It was a good ab work out.  I decided to give my legs a break today.  I am so sore from yesterday's work out!  Tomorrow, I have a 12 hour shift on my feet, so today I did abs.  I really wanted to to Jackie's Total Body Circut Upper Body, but, of course, it expired On Demand.  I really, really, really need the DVD hooked up.  Too bad I am electronically challenged.  Hopefully my darling hubby will do that for me very soon.  Hint, hint.

I have to admit, I hate doing plank position.  Or, really, any position that I am supporting my body in the air where I can see the flab hanging down from my thighs.  Super duper ultra mega cottage cheese.  Yuck.  On the flip side, I love to look at my legs when I am laying on my back with my legs straight up in the air.  Well, from my toes to the middle of my thighs anyway.  You can see the muscles I am building, that I am working hard for.  My belly is flatter, but again, looks like cottage cheese.  I don't think I will ever have any muscle definition there.  Not that I want a six pack, although, that would be awesome, I just don't think I will ever look like that. 

But, again, I keep trying.  I may not have a perfect diet day everyday, but I keep trying.  That is what counts.  I hope.

Kettle bells.

I did my first kettle bell workout today.  Yikes!  It was a great workout!  I didn't feel clumsy, I didn't feel intimidated, and I got a great workout!  I did it with a regular dumb bell, which was fine, they showed someone usuing one in the video.  I do think that I need to get an 8 pound weight for it, which is something I have been considering getting for other workouts.  I love Jillian Michaels, and the work out was her 30 Shred Weights.

I realized something today.  I was feeling yucky, and tired, and generally kind of blah.  Joce had a Brown Sugar and Cinnamon Pop Tart today.  She ate one, so one was left in the package.  I decided that I wanted to eat the other one.  Who cares if I have one Pop Tart?  What will it hurt?  I was going to have it after my work out.  If I did my work out.  Yeah, it wasn't a great morning.  So, I did motivate myself to do my workout, and I was starving after my shower.  I felt so good after that work out, I didn't want to ruin it with a Pop Tart.  Doing my work out has a positive effect on my entire day.  I have to keep pushing myself, and the more I do it, the easier it will become to make the time for it.  I am so proud of myself.  It would be so easy for me to quit.  To start eating badly again.  But, I keep going, even when I slip up, and that is a big step for me.

On the slip up front, being at my moms was not good for my diet.  I wasn't there 5 minutes before I mindlessly ate an Almond Joy.  I didn't even think about it, just put it in my mouth and ate it.Why do I do this every time I am at my moms?!?  I think it is habit.  When I was younger, I used to smoke.  A lot.  I did not tell my family about it for years.  When I would go home for a weekend, I would eat constantly, because I couldn't smoke.  I thin that it is so ingrained in me that I can't stop it because I don't even realize that I am doing it.  I am spending 3 days at her house next week, so I am going to have to be hyper-vigilant about what I am eating.  I want to keep going forward, not trip myself up.

Tuesday, week 2 in Review

I have not posted in a couple of days.  Have you missed me, dear Readers?!?  Do you hear that?  It's crickets chirping.  That is because I have no readers!  So, why do I keep posting?  Because I find it to be helpful to my weight loss journey, and you have to do what works for you.  So, my lowest weight this week was 203, and today I weighed in at 205.5.  Do you all know what 203 lbs. means?!?  It means that for the first time in the 7+ years that Eric and I have been together, I weigh less than he does!  Sad but true!  I think that means I am down a total of 14 lbs.  My size 16 jeans are getting baggy!  Do you know the last time I bought a size 14?!?  I don't either!  But, I am pretty sure it was sometime in the 90's.  Again, sad but true.

Today, I did Jillian Michaels Last Chance Wort out.  It is rough!  I wish that it had a more intense ab circuit, but overall, it is a good workout.  I will add it to my list of favorites! 

I am going to my mom's for the night.  That is always a test of my will power, because she has more junk food than you can imagine.  I really hope she doesn't have any Oreos.  I have been craving them, and I may not be able to resist.  Wish me luck, I may need it!

The weekend.

I weighed in at 206 today.  Yes, I am up a little.  It seems like I drop a couple pounds quickly, then go up a little, then drop lower, then up again, and down again, and on and on.  I did a great job yesterday, diet-wise.  Good workouts, stayed on my diet.  And I got to meet Jennifer Crusie!!  That was so exciting!

I have to work all day today.  Blech.  We are going to a concert tomorrow, and I have the whole day off!  That is awesome!  Hopefully, today will go fast and be very profitable!  As always, I am trying to make a food plan for work.  There is so much that I can grab to eat that is bad for me, and not a lot that is good for me.  I just have to stay focused and not eat a bread stick!!! 

Ouch.

My foot is killing me today!  I really don't know what to do about it.  I ran Perry to school today, and I put my work insoles in my running shoes.  It helped, but my foot s still killing me.  I walk with a terrible limp when I stand up from a sitting position.  I am going to order new work shoes.  My work shoes seem to be a big part of the problem, and my job in general.  My mom said she got me some really cushy heel pads for my work shoes.  Hopefully that will help, too.

I forgot to weigh myself this morning!  Which may be a blessing in disguise, since I ate 2 pieces (very skinny ones!) of the snicker doodle cookie cake that I made from scratch at MOPS yesterday.  It was really good, but, and I can't believe I am about to say this, was a little too sweet.  The problem with that is, I had one skinny piece to try it.  After all, I did make it from scratch, and I never bake anything from scratch.  I was perfectly happy with that.  Then Eric upset me.  And he kept up with the shitty attitude, upsetting me more.  I was so mad, I ate another piece of cookie cake.  I didn't even want it.  I know that I am an emotional eater, and I really do need to work on that.  I need to learn a new way to deal with that kind of stuff, instead of eating comfort food.  I did run Perry to school today, and I did the short version of Jillian Michaels Trouble Zones.  I really don't like the short version, but I love the regular length version.  The short version doesn't give me as much of a work out as I would like.  The regular version makes it hard for me to wash my hair and shave my legs because my muscles are so sore and tired!  But, alas, they only have the short version On Demand, and my DVD player isn't hooked up right.  Something I really to to do something about, since all of my favorite workouts are about to expire on On Demand, and I have them all on DVD.

Tomorrow I have to work, most likely another 12 hour shift.  Good for calorie burning, hella bad for my poor feet.  I did buy some Lean Cuisine meals, so I can have them when I get home, since I don't like to eat there twice a day.  The low fat options are very limited, and I don't like them all.

Also, I am so excited.  I am going to see Jennifer Crusie do a book reading and signing tonight!!  I love her!

Woo hoo, I hit my first goal!!

Yep, that's right!  I weighed in at 204 this morning!  I am surprised, since that scale has been moving the wrong way this week!  It makes me feel good that I stuck to it even though things did not seem to be working.  Pat on the back for me, I am really proud of myself!

My next goal is 198 lbs.  That is one pound less than I was when I graduated from Pitt.  Not sure what The next goal after that will be.  Most likely it will be 190, for no apparent reason!  Then it will be 185, which is my first tentative end goal. 

So, I went to my MOPS meeting this morning.  I knew it would be very hard to say no to all of the tempting offerings.  I did pretty well.  Mostly, I ate fruit.  Mostly.  I did have one pumpkin cookie.  Boy, was it good!  I am not beating myself up over it.  It was one cookie, not a couple.  I did not have a bagel and cream cheese. which  really wanted.  Or a chocolate chip cookie.  Or a doughnut.  They were all there for the taking, but I decided to have one sweet treat, and only one.  And I did only have one!  You can't say no to everything all the time.  A treat every once in a while keeps me sane!!  It also keeps me from a binge!

Goal #1 has been achieved!  Here I come, goal #2!!!!!

You have got to be freaking kidding me!

I weighed in at 208.5 today.  WHAT?!?  I am UP 3.5 lbs this week!  How is this happening?!?  I am working out, drinking my water, and barely eating!  I don't understand this.  or a minute I entertained the idea that muscle weighs more than fat, and maybe I had built a lot of muscle and that accounted for the gain.  I quickly discarded the idea  after looking down.  I have not built that much muscle this week.  It is so discouraging.  I really really wanted to say screw it today.  I might as well at least deserve what I am gaining, right?  Luckily, it is early enough in this journey that I still have the fighting spirit.  I did Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred, and am now having my Slim Fast.  I am trying to remain positive.  I am hoping that I am bloated because it is that time of the month, and that things will be back on track in a couple of days,

My foot is killing me.  Jumping jacks are not my friend, but especially not today.  Now, not only do my heel and the side of mt foot hurt, but also my ankle and calf.  Erg.  Not really sure what to do about it.  Maybe ask my chiropractor about it, since he is the only doctor I see on a regular basis.  Maybe I will ice it today and see if that helps.  I am going to try to keep my chin up and my mouth shut today.

Tuesday

So, I am a little discouraged.  I am up a pound and a half today, 206.5.  How did that happen?  I worked out yesterday, I drank all my water, and I barely ate anything!  Not that I did that on purpose, but that's how it worked out.  My calorie intake was very low yesterday.  It made me want to say screw it today, why bother?  But, so far, so good.  I did a very intense workout with Jackie Warner.  I have only had my coffee and my Slim Fast, and water.  It will be a good day!

I think I am going to get myself a little treat today!  I need some new make up, and found some really pretty stuff at Victoria's Secret.  Maybe in a few weeks, I will be able to get myself another treat at Victoria's Secret, but that is a whole other ball game!!  I always feel better when I wear makeup, so time to shop!!

Week 1 in Review

One week down!  I weighed in at 205 today, which means I have lost 12 lbs this week!  Woo Hoo!!!  I am very proud of myself!  There are also some positive changes in my body.  As I was shaving my legs this morning, the noticed that the curve of muscle in my thigh is coming back.  And my arms have more definition, they were getting flabby again.  My work pants are falling down again, and my belt is on the last loop.  I feel so encouraged.  If I can do that in one week, imagine what I can do in the next 12 weeks!

I am very proud of myself for doing my work out today, which was Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred.  I am exhausted.  I worked 22 hours in 2 days this weekend.  Eric was up late on the phone with work, and kept me up.  The alarm went off at 5 a.m. for him to go to work.  I fell back to sleep, only to be awoken 15 minutes later to a screaming Jocelynn.  I had hoped she would lay down with me and go back to sleep, but no such luck.  An hour or so later, she did lay down and watch TV.  I fell asleep for about 20 minutes, and she woke me again.  She finally laid down with me at about 7 and fell asleep, only to have Perry get up at 7:15.  Tired and cranky doesn't even begin to describe me today. 

I also need to find some new recipes.  I need some more variety in what I make for dinner.  I am going to go to some of my favorite websites and see what I can find today.  Time to head to the library, see ya tomorrow!!

Sunday, Bloody Sunday

Long day at work yesterday.  I am very proud of myself, though.  I did a great job sticking to my diet!  I had a plain grilled chicken breast with tropical fruit salsa and a fruit salad for lunch.  Because of a sewage back up at work, I decided not to eat dinner there.  I had a Lean Cuisine Steakhouse Flat bread when I got home, and treated myself to a chocolate covered pretzel 100 calorie pack.  Today, I weighed in at 206!  I am down 11 pounds, and 2 pounds from my first goal of 204!  I am pretty impressed that I didn't sneak a bread stick at work, and it paid off!   Hopefully, today will be a shorter day at work.  Steelers play at 1, so it will probably be a slow day.

I have to say thanks you to my friends and family for all the support and positive feed back!  It helps me more than you will ever know!!

Hi-ho, hi-ho, it's off to work I go.

I hate Saturday morning.  I have to be at work at 10:30 a.m., and don't leave until 10 or 11.  I don't get to see my kids until the next morning.  Eric is usually asleep when I get home.  I don't have time to go to any yard sales or flea markets.  If I have a shower or anything to go to, I have to put in to get the day off weeks in advance, and pray that I get it off. 

But, I do have to say that I choose to do this job.  It is a crappy job, and it is incredibly hard on my body, but there is no other job that I can make this much money in the amount of time.  That is the plus side.  I make almost as much working 2 days a week as a waitress as I did working full time as a preschool teacher.  And I get to spend 5 days a week at home with my babies.

So, what does all this have to do with anything?!?  Good question, thanks for asking!  How do I stay on my diet while at work?  I am still working through that one.  I have work a pedometer to work, and on average I walk at least 10 miles on a double shift.  But what do I eat?  Another good question.  Usually, I order something for lunch, and immeadiately put half in a box in the cooler so I can have it for dinner.  I always get fruit salad for my side.  But, we don't have a lot to offer on the Guilt Free menu.  I can't eat the Hula salad evryday.  First off, I don't really like the fat free honey mustard dressing, and you need a little dressing.  I do love the Caribbean chicken, with broccoli and fruit, but I think it is too expensive.  I have discovered that I can order from the kids menu, and grilled chicken is an option.  I may do that today.

The problem is when you get so hungry that you need to eat a snack quick.  Thew easiest thing to grab?  A breadstick, and dipping it in blue cheese dressing is divine.  Do you have any idea how may calories and grams of fat that is?!?  It is insane!  Or, saltine cracker and dip them in butter.  I wish I could get to the celery sticks, but you have to ask a cook for those, and they get cranky about it.  I sometimes will grab fruit, but I eat so much of it there, that I need to watch myself.

So, here is my other dilemma.  What do I have for breakfast, since I don't get to eat until about three o'clock.  I should have a Slim Fast, but scrambled with cheese and turkey bologna sounds to good right now!  And the protein would get me through to lunch.  But, I do burn a good amount of calories at work, so the Slim Fast is a better option.  Dilemma.  Since I am so lazy, and rushed for time, I will probably go for the Slim Fast.  By the way, I love chocolate Slim Fast!!  It is not hard for me to stick to Slim Fast, because I love it!  The only problem is that I can only get the original formula in a generic, and only in chocolate, so I can't get any other flavors to change it up, because it adds 4 grams of fat per shake, which is craziness!

Okay, enough rambling.  Time to get ready for work.  Have a good day, everyone!

Rainy days and Fridays always get me down.

It is raining again, and it is cold.  I am feeling very blah today.  To make it worse, I feel like I haven't seen Eric in weeks.  He got home from work last night after we were all in bed and left again before we woke up.  He has had to work late every night this week.  Since I work weekends, I leave in the morning and get home after everyone is in bed.  It sucks.  I realized last night how much of an emotional eater I am.  As soon as Eric told me how late he was going to be, I immeadiately wanted to eat.  When I went to bed, I ate 2 100 calorie snack packs, one chocolate covered pretzels and one snack mix.  I know, it could have been a lot worse, but I usually have yogurt as a nighttime snack.  Today, I am up half a pound, and I am a bit of an emotional mess.  I miss my husband, and I really haven't seen anyone but my kids all week.  I am lonely, and that isn't helping.

So, I didn't workout today.  My foot hurts so bad that I am limping today.  I am looking at at least a 12 hour day at work tomorrow, and about the same on Sunday.  My mom keeps yelling at me to go to a podiatrist, but of course, I haven't make an appointment.  I probably should have sucked it up and worked out, but all of the workouts that I do hurt my foot in some way, and I just couldn't bring myself to do it.  I suck.

Rainy day

What is it about rainy days that make me feel so blah?!?  I really am a sunny, warm weather kind of person.  I know what you are thinking, why the heck do I live in Pittsburgh, then?!?  Haha, maybe someday we will live in a better climate, but this is where we will be for a long time.

So I weighed in at 208.5 this morning.  Down another pound and a half!  My entire body is sore from my Jackie Warner workout yesterday, and I love the feeling!  Today I did The 10 Pound Slim Down Core workout with Chris Freytag.  It was pretty intense!  My abs are feeling it already!  The only thing I wonder is why so many trainers do side planks.  I cannot do them!  Maybe down the road I will be able to, but not yet!!

Eric and I were talking about my weight chart last night, and he pointed out that I hadn't written any goals on it.  He asked what my goal was.  I told him 175, and he seems to think that it to low to start with.  He thinks my goal should be 185, and then start a new chart Jan.1 with my new goal.  I think it may be a good idea.  That way, if I surpass my goal of 185, then I am ahead of the game.  If I set it at 175 and don't make it, I may say screw the whole thing!  So, my new revised goal is 185 by my 35th birthday.  So I can eat my cake and not feel guilty!!!!!

Sad Realizations

Today I weighed in a 210.  I am down 7.5 lbs in 2 days.  It kind of makes me sad to realize that I have been taking such lousy care of myself that this is even possible.  I also realized that all the muscle tone I was so proud of is gone.  My arms and legs, especially my thighs, had definition that I was really proud of having.  My tummy was even flat.  Not that I had a six pack or anything, but a flat tummy after having 2 babies is something to be proud of!

So, I wasn't feeling very good this morning.  I was really tempted to lay down and nap while Jocelynn was napping.  I didn't.  I got myself ready and did Jackie Warner's Total Body Circuit. Forty-five minutes of muscle burning wonder.  I still feel a little crappy, but better than I did before.  I am also proud that I did the workout at all.  I know that for me to lose weight, I have to stick to my diet and workout everyday.  Everyday!  It seems like a hassle, but the more I do it, the more routine it becomes, the easier it will be to do.  I have to say, I am already feeling a little sore!  But, I love that feeling.  It means that I am pushing myself, and doing something good. 

I am 35 pounds from my goal of 175, and about three and a half months to do it in.  Yikes!  I am off to a good start, I hope that I can keep up the momentum!

New Day, New Weight Chart

So, as of yesterday, I am officially dieting again.  I out a new weight chart up on the fridge.  This is a great tool for me.  If I have to look at it while looking for something to eat, it helps me to make better decisions.  If the numbers are not good, or if the numbers are really good, it makes me want to stick to my diet.  I went to the grocery store today, and got good things to eat that will help me stick to a diet, and lose some weight.  I hope!


Yesterday, I weighed in at 217 lbs.  Yikes!!  That is the first time I have ever publically admitted my weight!  Scary!  I also did Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred.  Boy, am I sore today, and I have to say, I love being sore after a good workout!   I weighed in today at 212.5 lbs.  Can I have really lost that much in one day?!?  Have I really been eating that much and being that lazy lately?  Even scarier than admitting what I weigh to the cyber-world.  I plan to run/jog/walk to pick Perry up from school today.  I haven't done that since June, so it will be interesting!

So, what is my goal?  I have given myself until my Birthday, December 31 (my 35th, in case you were wondering).  How much do I want to lose?  I should say that I want to be 175 lbs.  I want to say 185, because that seems more attainable, but I think I should push myself, and go with 175.  I have already lost about 25 lbs, so I think I can do this.  I am hoping that blogging will help me, too.  Again, being held accountable to someone or something will help me stay on track.

I am going to breakdown my total goal into smaller goals.  My first goal is 203, which is the lowest I weighed before vacation this year!  After that, my goal is 198, 1 pound less than I weighed when I graduated from college.  I will figure out more smaller goals, but those are my first two.  Wish me luck!  

Hello.

Hello, everyone.  Anyone?!?  Just kidding.  My name is Kristin, and for some crazy reason, I thought I would start a blog.  About what?  Not really sure yet.  Maybe my observations on life.  Maybe to vent my frustrations.  Maybe to review some products.  Maybe just to write.  Who knows.  I guess I will figure it out as I go.

So, thanks for reading!